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We all know those toxic personalities that we just cannot escape on planet Earth . . . DAMMIT LOL! The light and the dark actually line up TO TEACH EACH OTHER soul lessons. We often find ourselves cornered into dealing with them at work, home, or in life in some way. If we don’t understand all the dynamics instead of the dark (narcissists, toxic personalities, etc) making the light (empaths, healers, fixers) shine brighter they actually feed off of our vibes like a parasite. You can’t see it but there is energy transferring between people all of the time. AND if the toxic person can control your emotions you are giving them “supply”. Unknowingly feeding the beast . . .
In order to starve them of getting any energy from you and sealing off your own energetic body you have to do inner work. This post is designed for the Empath (light body) who is already educated on the Narcissist’s (dark bodies) traits and behaviors. I will be posting a future blog on those qualities but I feel that there are plenty of online articles and information available on the topic. In fact, Melanie Tonia Evans has a fabulous amount of blogs and youtube’s with an amazing amount of content and information. I personally have relied on her work to help me make sense of the nonsense and heal a lot of broken parts inside myself. If I was to pay her for what she has done to help me with completely FREE resources I would owe her millions of dollars. I can’t thank her enough for her work and what she continues to do in evolving the consciousness and healing of the planet. She is brilliant!! Here’s the link to her blog post outlining the characteristics of a narcissist (dark body).
Or you can check into her abuse recovery program by clicking the picture link to the right to find out more. Any time you click on or use the links from my website we as affiliate partners retain a certain commission for spreading the word! It’s a great relationship of helping one another. AND if you are not in a position to buy her program she has an amazing amount of blogs, youtubes, and information available for free on her website.
What I’ve not seen a lot of information about is the actual soul purpose of the Narcissists and Toxic Personalities. There are specific reasons that we are in this sort of container with what I call dark bodies (narcissists). God/Universe/Gaia has designed this dimension on purpose with these personality types.
In the relationship of the Empath (light body) and the Narcissist (dark body) both parties are looking for the other person to change so they don’t have to deal with their own inadequacies. Yet if we change, heal, grow and evolve ourselves a powerful dynamic changes. We recognize the narcissist’s tactics have become the stepping stone we use to get stronger. In fact, they are like looking into a mirror where our imbalances line up with theirs perfectly. These dynamics are actually where the opposite charges line up, attract, and connect people in relationships where they have places they need to do self-work. Any element of your life that has suffering is trying to communicate with you a message for inner healing and self-realization.
Here are a few important tips to remember when dealing with narcissists, toxic, controlling, and manipulative personalities:
- CONFRONTATIONAL MEETS HIDES FROM CONFRONTATION: When having a different opinion do not be wavered on what you think and feel. Be aware your job is to state your thoughts, belief systems, or ideals but then be unattached to their reaction. They will argue for the state of arguing if you engage. They love drama! They usually create their own problems and then cry about them regardless of what they say. Engaging means getting emotionally wrapped up in trying to make your point be heard, acknowledged, and accepted. The narcissist is not capable. However what you are begging yourself to do is be heard by YOU! Regardless of what anyone believes, does, or thinks I am valid and have a right to be heard. Do not let your voice be squashed but do not try to convince them of anything either. You do not have to agree to respect each other’s opinions or love one another. Understand you can control your reactions and how you deal with people. THAT’S IT! Everyone else is simply living their life according to their own viewpoints and reality. If they weren’t completely delusional we would never gain this inner strength.
- CRITICAL OF OURSELVES MEETS CRITICAL OF US: Love yourself exactly as you are including your flaws and imperfections. They will absolutely manipulate those against you! They will say things on purpose to hurt your feelings. We need the experience to show us where we reject ourselves. The criticisms that cause us emotional distress or suffering are actually the mirrors where we hold guilt, anger, shame, or some kind of negative emotions “conditional love” about ourselves. They are doing their part to painfully point it out. If someone criticizes you ask yourself is this my issue? Am I the one that’s got the internal problem. I hate that I’m __________________. Allow those criticisms to show you where you need to work on you. When you no longer emotionally react you know have healed all those spaces where you reject you. Newsflash it wasn’t ever about them anyways!
- CONTROLLING MEETS GIVES OTHER PEOPLE CONTROL: As an empath we have no desire to control other people. Yet, here is the dark body always trying to manipulate and control us. They have so many tactics they that we are completely unaware of because we don’t use those skill sets. Threats, blow ups, manipulating what we love in order to set us up (money, your children, hobbies, wherever your heart maybe attached too). Isolating us from healthy relationships. And yet we have the power to see through all of these tactics in order to regain our control. If we don’t fall into the manipulation tactics and maintain a strong sense of self, who we are, and what we want they CANNOT infiltrate our being with their techniques. The dark bodies see people as commodities to be controlled on purpose so we develop this strength. It’s your job to stop giving away all your control. Take back your personal power.
- WILL NOT GIVE YOU CREDIT FOR WHAT YOU DO MEETS WILL NOT GIVE OURSELVES CREDIT FOR WHAT WE DO: We don’t feel like we are enough so we attract someone who makes us feel like we are never enough. Every time they do not validate you . . . VALIDATE YOURSELF! They on purpose are not going to hear your concerns, give you credit for anything you do, or desire you to truly feel supported, loved, and honored. You will have to become that sense of support, love, and trust to yourself. Start giving yourself credit for what you do and contribute. The reason we attract these soul mates is to create the suffering we need to see the issue isn’t them but us and where we have failed ourselves. That we can fix!
- LIAR/MANIPULATOR MEETS NAIVE/GULLIBLE: Awe it’s so cute for them to watch us truly believe their lies. Here is the snake in the tree of the Garden of Eden so beautifully selling us the apple. We are like Eve believing them because we are not full of lies and manipulations. We don’t see those coming. On purpose the snake has these magical powers to in fact “sell ice to the Eskimo”. Here we are just falling into the trap believing them. Start studying the habits of liars and manipulators. Do they change their tone of voice or body language? Where do their words not line up with their actions? Do not just believe people without consulting the inner investigator first! Lies, manipulations, blow ups, silent treatments, pouting, brooding, projecting, slandering, and the whole beautiful array of narcissistic manipulative tactics you can see through once you really get educated. Start studying their tactics so you don’t get pulled into their games time and time again.
- TAKER MEETS THE GIVER: Set your boundaries for yourself. Know exactly what you will and won’t do. This can be the hardest part for Empaths. We are giving tree’s and that’s exactly why they saw us as a commodity. Not only will you have to set boundaries for yourself but you will have to FIGHT for them. Here you are non-confrontational, a people pleaser, and always want to make other people happy. They are that pushy person who will take, take, take until you are completely drained. You sincerely want to be and do everything for everyone else at the cost of completely selling your soul. We actually think we have to be a commodity for someone else to love us and they think you need to be a commodity for them to be loved. Make the decision to say “no”, set boundaries, and reach balance (giving/receiving). This will be a new space in the relationship and maybe difficult for them. Be grounded and unattached to their tactics. If they don’t love you when you are no longer the giving tree they never truly loved you anyways.
- CANNOT FIGHT FOR OURSELVES MEETS SOMEONE WHO WON’T FIGHT FOR YOU AND IS ALWAYS FIGHTING AGAINST YOU: We must finally learn how to fight for ourselves in balance. We have to see all the tactics, get trained, and learn some skills to protect ourselves. If you are battling for something you feel is right be prepared to really lay out the carpet as to how this decision or agreement will BENEFIT the narcissist. They are ego maniacs so you can also use sheltering their public appearance as an important cornerstone. Add in some little comments, “How will it look to everyone if you don’t support ___________?” They are masters at triangulation meaning using an outside person to corner or gaslight you. They will have usually teamed up with another person who makes a good puppet for them in order for you to feel like the odd man out. This creates the illusion that you are wrong. We will get into some of the tactics in a future blog post but you can get educated now. Gaslighting, blanket generalizations, talking in circles, projections, and all kinds of tactics will be used against you. Get educated and start fighting for yourself!
- CO-DEPENDENT MEETS CAN’T BE TRUSTED WITH BEING DEPENDED ON: Get ready to move through the co-dependent part of you! Really get at peace with being in your own company. Trust me you’ll have plenty of time while you’re in the silent treatment mode or being discarded and de-valued! Get serious with yourself . . . are you the “needs to be needed” attracting the “needy”? Narcissists are great at trying to convince you to sign on the dotted line. Once they get what they want poof they are gone. On purpose the co-dependent needs this person who cannot be relied upon to lean and trust in themselves. AND Definitely don’t agree to signing up for anything you know you can’t complete yourself. If you need their knowledge or skills you are setting yourself up for frustrations. They are teaching you how to rely on you and no one else.
- WE DON’T KNOW WHO WE ARE MEETS I WILL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE: Get to know who you are without anyone else’s opinions. You most likely had goals and dreams before the narcissist. What are they? You most likely had friends and family who have been squeezed out of your life if they were considered a threat. Go spend time with them. Pursue your own interests again! Discover who you are without the people pleaser, the societal programming, and the toxic person defining what you will be. We have a very weak sense of ourselves and need to find that person. Until then the narcissist is happy to define us and absorb us into feeding their projects, goals, and build their empire. It’s up to you to do the inner work.
- OVERLY CONFIDENT MEETS OVERLY INSECURE: Give validation to the narcissist. There is nothing wrong with admiring the narcissist’s strengths. They can also be great people in lots of ways. In fact, when you start healing yourself and there tactics no longer work it’s so much easier to enjoy their company. We think we are angry with them. Doing self-work shows us we are angry with ourselves being unable to deal with them. I have learned a lot from narcissists! They are ego maniacs so being great athletes, skilled professionals, leaders, or go-getters are qualities I admire. Where before I would doubt, over-analyze, and be insecure the narcissist would be there reflecting that opposite personality. Every person here has something to teach us and continually working on ourselves is the true task. Gaining inner confidence, faith in myself, and perfecting inner balance is the goal.
- WANTS TO HELP EVERYONE MEETS WANTS TO SABOTAGE EVERYONE: Be aware they are not here to help you in the traditional sense. They will sabotage your happiness and success on purpose. If you start a diet they will push some sweet treat in your face. If you start working out they will try and sabotage your plans. To the narcissist everyone is competition. There is not enough for everyone whether it’s admiration, love, money, or resources. Do you see? It takes a lot more inner strength to build yourself while someone is trying to tear you down. They are temptations gateway. Oh you just quit smoking let me blow smoke in your face. Oh you’re on a diet and they just happen to show up with your favorite desert because they are so nice and thought about you. Really they are just worried. What if you have your own friends and they are not the center focus? What if you follow your goals and dreams becoming successful and you don’t need them? What if you get stronger and no longer are feeding their energy as a commodity to them? If you get stronger or move beyond them what will happen to their false ego? And in all of this worry they supply us with the test of our determination, will power, and determination. Will you pick up that cigarette? Will you eat the cake? Will you dwindle your friends list for them?
- WE HAVE UNHEALED WEAKNESS’S WHERE WE REJECT OURSELVES AND THEY LOVE TO POINT THOSE OUT SO WE CAN FINALLY UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE OURSELVES AND OUR WEAKNESS’S: Don’t dish out any personal information about weak spots in you. Everything you say can and will be used against you. If you have already let the cat out of the bag be conscious of how they will use this information to push your hot buttons. You can see how it’s being twisted to hurt you. What’s really happening is the narcissist is magnifying the negative inner voice inside ourselves. Use it as a tool to unconditionally love yourself and let whatever emotions come up be released. Do you see? The narcissist is voicing the negative inner voice inside ourselves. They have showed up to show us the match for our own self talk. You cannot attract someone who unconditionally loves you and your weakness’s, imperfections, and faults until you internally switch the coding inside yourself! It’s not about them. It’s about you.
- WE CAN’T LET GO OF WANTING TO HEAL AND FIX THE WORLD AND THEY ARE GREAT TEACHERS OF DRAWING THAT LINE . . . LETTING GO. WE CANNOT HEAL AND FIX EVERYTHING: You have to make peace with their qualities so you don’t bang your head against the wall. They don’t have the ability to feel guilty, ashamed, or compassionate for other people. Their viewpoint is rationalized with them being the victim always regardless of what you have done. They will twist every situation to make it look like they are the poor innocent wounded person. This includes ignoring all facts that don’t support them. Talking in circles. Making blanket generalizations without supporting details. Regular scheduled melt downs. You are the bad guy but really they are frustrated with themselves, their job, their weight, etc. but it’s manifested to something about you. They can’t be accountable for their faults. We want so badly for them to see it yet they will never see it and the only person left frustrated will be you! And truly the narcissist loves people on conditions and so do we . . . unconditional love would never be so powerful if it wasn’t for these personality types. They are the test of the depths of our love. Without moving into this space for them you will hold bitterness, anger, resentment, and judgement’s which only hurts you. They do not care and will be the same regardless of how much you want to “fix” them. Besides when you get into soul work you know they are exactly how they need to be to “fix” you.
- POSITIVE VIBE ATTRACTS NEGATIVE VIBE: They will have completely false perceptions of situations, the past, people, or experiences that are nowhere in alignment with the truth. Don’t argue out there reality of disillusions it’s a waste of time and energy. They really do live in their fantasy land where they are always the hero. Or the victim or whatever it is they need to warp to fit their fake reality and get supply. They see their lives with their own pair of sunglasses. That pair of sunglasses puts everything and everyone in a negative light. Except for themselves! If you’re starting to see this be proud of yourself. We are gullible and naïve and before you would have just fallen down the sucker road. That means taking on their negative vibes. The ultimate drain hole is surrounding you with their comments, viewpoints, and tilted reality. To stay positive when you are around them means sealing off your container like a force field. Otherwise anytime you hang out with them their negative goobers will bring you down. Learn how to not be anyone else’s emotional puppet. If they are negative don’t take that on and stay positive. There glass is always half empty! Yours doesn’t have to be!
Engaging peacefully with these personality types is completely possible. Seems like a challenge and you know what initially it is. However, as time goes on and you begin healing everything gets easier. You really start understanding that they are helping you see those internal cracks and making you stronger. The narcissist is simply showing you where you have imbalances. These can be referenced to the energy systems that are not staying open. I love the chakra archetypes because they are an easy way for me to identify when I am closing or opening chakra’s by doing my own self assessments. Here is a link to a good article on the chakra archetypes that quickly allows you to do your own “reality” check. See what resonates with you!
Your energy body is constantly opening and closing to how you live your life! Shocking isn’t it lol. The creator has completely designed a system that opens and closes energy when you are spiritually aligned. That means energy work can open a doorway to healing but without changes in our state of being your energy field can close up moments after you get off the massage table. All the work you just did was simply a band-aid. A temporary fix.
Your energy field is constantly ebbing and flowing as you handle different situations, relationships and life. The only true healing in my mind is the one that empowers the person and awakens a new awareness. You are closing your own energy systems with any patterns, situations, or relationships that create emotional suffering. The places where your energy is blocked from this suffering is creating illness and disease. And vice versa! Keeping these energy systems open all of the time takes self-work or self-realization. You are the healer! You are the “magic wand”! It’s just all the concepts that have been kept in the vault by the Illuminati and tainting of information. That’s why we are in this great window of time.
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Much gratitude and love to everyone on their journey either way!
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